Breastfeeding

or: My Daughter Doesn't Suck

What could be simpler or more natural than a baby suckling at his or her mother's breast?

Apparently a number of things, because breastfeeding seems to be a rare skill set that is difficult at best, and seemingly impossible to master. I'm amazed that humanity as a whole survived the time period before the first infant formula was created. Perhaps things were simpler back then, and babies just knew how to suckle. And perhaps the crops grew taller, families were happier, and politicians were honest. Who knows?

I do know that our daughter has what is known as a "weak suck". Laugh all you want; I did. I didn't, however, even know that "suck" was a noun. I do know that just about everyone agrees that the best food for a newborn is breastmilk. However, hardly anyone agrees on anything else regarding the production, distribution, or consumption of it.

Oh, sure, there are a few common points: Mom produces as much milk as baby demands. The 'hindmilk' has more fat and protein than the 'foremilk'. But it falls apart after that. Some of the more extreme breastfeeding advocates condemn pacifiers, bottles, or anything that's not connected to a mother's breast; it can lead to 'nipple confusion'.

Some on the other end feel that in many cases, formula can be healthier than an unhealthy or poorly-fed mother's milk, and claim that 'nipple confusion' happens in less than 5% of cases.

And some of us in the middle need to supplement mom's milk because of other considerations (See: Jaundice), and feel guilty about not meeting the strictest standards for breastfeeding.

Others want to give breastfeeding a try, and get frustrated because breastfeeding is not as intuitive, natural, or simple as we would like to think it is.

For successful breastfeeding, there are a number of elements that need to be properly lined up. The baby has to latch on correctly; if you haven't breastfed, it's not quite how you're thinking. The baby has to know how to suckle (note that I didn't say 'how to suck'; this isn't a sports bottle or straw we're dealing with). The baby has to have enough endurance to get through the 'let down' phase, and to keep suckling long enough to get more out of the feeding than he or she is putting into it. Mom's milk has to have 'come in' properly. And mom has to produce enough milk to support the baby, and express it fast enough for baby to feed properly.

None of these elements will necessarily occur intuitively or instinctively, much as we might like to think they will. When things don't work right, it's easy to blame oneself or to consider it a failure of the first test of motherhood. Don't. There are resources out there that can help.

It's also easy to doubt yourself, especially when there are so many opinions out there regarding 'proper' breastfeeding. Did that bottle of formula screw up Baby's breastfeeding? Did the pacifier the nurses used in the hospital cause nipple confusion? Are you enough of a milk producer to feed your child? What do you do when your milk isn't quite in, but Baby's screaming for food? What if you do 'ban the bottle', but Baby loses too much weight before your milk comes in? Will your (perceived) failings cause your child to fail later on in life?

What we've found:

• Don't be a perfectionist. Don't make the best the enemy of the good. While regular breastfeeding may be the best possible outcome, there are many elements that have to be lined up to make it happen. Don't be afraid to supplement, to use a pump and bottle, or to do whatever it takes to get your child fed.
• Stop the cycle of questioning and doubt. Define what's important, and do what it takes to make it happen. We decided that breastmilk is more important than formula, but formula is better than a hungry or under-fed baby. We also decided that we don't care how the breastmilk gets to Erin.
• Get help. Ask your friends who've breastfed and your doctors to recommend lactation consultants. Ask them why they recommend them. Use your judgment when picking one, and when listening to them. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion.
• Talk to your friends and family. Our neighbor happens to be a mother-baby nurse who is pursuing her lactation consultant certification. I ran into her while Christine was having a tough time with Erin, and the ten minutes of advice and assistance she gave was invaluable. Other friends surprised Christine when they told her that they had also had a tough time breastfeeding, but were afraid to mention it at the time because they felt inadequate as mothers.
  
• Don't stress yourself. Get enough food and sleep, and remember that all of the opinions out there on breastfeeding are just that, someone's opinion. Read up on breastfeeding and get a good overview of it before your baby shows up. Life with a newborn is difficult enough without having to sort out all the strongly-worded opinions on breastfeeding on little sleep and even less free time.
  
• It will get better. Both mother and baby are learning a very new skill set, and it takes time. As baby develops, he or she will get stronger and have more