The List

Before Erin was born, Kurt and I were talking about what it takes to be a good parent, and how we definitely wanted to do everything we could to be good parents for our child. We talked to lots of parents and solicited advice on what they thought was either a trait of a good parent or some advice they wished they had received before becoming parents themselves.

As a result of those conversations, Kurt and I decided that we needed to have a list, in writing, to look back at every year to see if we were still on track. The list was not something that was to be set in stone, but rather a blueprint that would change and grow with us and our child. Obviously, since we were novices at the whole parenting thing, we might be rather naive and idealistic (which our original list would reflect), and as we woke up to the realities of parenthood, the list would require a revision.

Well, the list actually ended up evolving into the need for two lists. One list of the things we wanted to do to insure that we were good parents. The other, a list of things we wanted Erin (our as of then unknown, unborn child) to accomplish by the time she was 18 years old and embarking out into the world on her own.

Well, needless to say, as young,idealists, we put off making the list thinking we would have plenty of time to put it in writing before our child arrived, but Erin came early, and life has been a whirlwind since. So, the list has been talked about and rambling around in our heads, but it's never made it out on paper or any other form that would hold us to some accountability. So, nine months late, here is my version of "the list". They are not numbered, as they are in no particular order.


The list of things Christine thinks she needs to do to be a good parent:
*Don't take myself too seriously as a parent - remember to laugh
*Don't take Erin too seriously either - allow her to be a child
*Remember that the end goal is to raise an adult, not a 30 year old child
*Let my child know that I love her, even when I don't love what she does
*Do not compare my child to other children or compete with other parents
*Do not put a label on my child, allow her to be who and what she is
*Allow Erin to make choices - but also teach her about boundaries
*Do NOT try to be Erin's best friend at the expense of being her mother
*Teach Erin the importance of charity, compassion, and hard work
*Tell my daughter every day how much I love her and am proud of her - not because of what she accomplishes or how she looks, but just for being her - so that she has self-esteem that is not tied in to anything else
*Let my daughter know that it is okay to fail, but praise her accomplishments
*Make sure she understands the importance of good nutrition, good hygiene, and good morals
*Teach her about God and take her to church
*Teach her that she is accountable for her own actions
*Try not to react out of anger - give myself a time out when needed
*Spank Erin when she truly needs it - which is when she is putting herself or someone else in immediate danger and not listening
*Love her and her father every day
*Keep the lines of communication open
*Always make sure to have dinner together as a family - and not in front of the TV
*Be a "mean mom", who checks up on her kid and where she is, who she's with, etc. like my mom was

The list of things Christine hopes Erin accomplishes before she turns 18:
*Reaches all the age appropriate developmental milestones
*Is toilet trained and able to wipe herself (without yelling to let me know)
*Knows her own name, and how to spell it
*Able to tie her shoelaces - without using the 2 bunny ears method
*No longer sucks her thumb
*Is able to eat, with the correct silverware, set the table, and cook a basic meal
*Can do basic chores such as laundry and cleaning her own room
*Understands the word "no"
*Is part of a team sport and an individual sport - so she learns the value of both
*Is in an honor society and a service organization - to acknowledge both achievements
*Knows not only how to win gracefully, but also how to lose gracefully
*Plays a musical instrument for at least one year
*Is able to swim
*Can do basic car maintenance
*Graduates all levels of school - on the first try
*Takes dance lessons (so maybe she won't get her mom's gracefulness)
*Knows how to balance a check book, not bounce one
*Saves the money from a job to use toward a car and college - so that she develops a work ethic, knows the value of a dollar, and learns that the best things in life are earned
*Learns empathy, compassion, and charity firsthand
*Knows right from wrong, and develops a strong moral conscience
*Goes to church on a regular basis
*Knows the true meaning of friendship and has the kind that will last a lifetime
*Learns not to take herself too seriously
*Is not afraid to try, even if she makes mistakes, and is not afraid to fail
*Knows how to set up camp and pitch a tent
*Can kill her own bugs
*Is not afraid of heights, roller coasters, or lizards
*Can drive a stick shift
*For Daddy, can shoot a gun - but Mommy is not too fond of this one
*Knows when to fight, and when to walk away
*Knows how to say "I'm sorry" and "I messed up"
*Knows how to forgive - both herself and others
*Has gone to school dances
*Has kissed a boy - BUT THAT'S IT!
*Knows how much she is loved